Halloween! Monster Mash

Let me spare you the usual rant about the day, it's origins and it's history. Suffice it to say hallow's eve or sauween or whatever is not evil. It's just not, so shut up. If a kid dressed in a $7.99 Casper suit and plastic mask from King Soopers scares you into the thought that you or your family might be posessed and therefore go to hell, you need to find a new church.
I remember growing up in a church environment and we could have halloween, but it was a "Bible Halloween!" Praise Jesus. You could dress up as your favorite bible character. Well, being a good christian boy, I wanted to dress up as Jesus.. Nope. No can do. That one is not allowed. Okay, well, I love history: How about Pontius Pilate? Ummm, you know what, No! Son of a b,,,, okay, how about moses, he's cool right? Nope, sorry son, we don't believe what those Jews believe! But he's IN the bible.. Yeah, so is Lucifer and no, you can't dress as him either!!!

What a crock. We got to the halloween party, threw on some Petra and rocked out. They even banned Monster Mash from being played. We were given strict rules, on paper, of what was acceptable "Fake halloween cheer" and what was not. What a crock! Everyone there looked like a stray disciple. Not a named one, although I hear there were many peters and pauls in the day. A chick I knew, Charity (no, seriously, she was the pastors daughter), she came dressed as Mary. I thought the Catholics down the street, who were praying by the way, just might come in and give us a few 'Hail Mary's' for that. But then Charity took me aside and lifted up her gown and showed a garter.... now I was like 14 at the time. So, that was big! She said. I am actually Jezebel. Damn, Woo Hoo! This was my kind of sinner. We all danced our puritan best and shared mighty fine punch. Chris Brock taught me how to wash my hands like a doctor and I will never forget that. And then it was over. 10'oclock. Time to go home pray; giving thanks for good fellowship.
Now, at our church, you had to wait in the parking lot for your parents to pick you up. Everyone says goodbye and thank you. By the way, none of my youth group were religious. I suspect most of them were there just for the cookies and the odd game of foosball on wednesday nights. Well, Charity and I snuck behind the parking lot and kissed. She looked at my robe and my fake beard and said : "Wow, you really are a good christian boy. Which disciple are you supposed to be?" We kissed akwardly as 14 yr olds do, and I replied: "Well, 'Jezebel,' I am actually Barnabus, the other guy on a cross that day!" We laughed and and went out to meet our parents knowing we had just earned more "hell points." I got in the truck and my dad said: "So, how'd it go?" "It was fine" I said," mighty fine punch!" As we drove home, I was in the seat kinda singing along to what was on KOOL105, the oldies station my dad ALWAYS listened to. It was Monster Mash! Apparently my dad didn't get the memo. Now, he's goin' to hell too. Nice. Damn you Sheldon Allman (writer and performer of said song), now we're all goin' to hell. It was at that point I knew I had to be a songwriter!

What a Weak Week it might be!

So, this is it! All the rhetoric, the polls, the pontification and the mud-slinging will come to an end on Tuesday. Right? We will go to the polls (if not already), we will wait in line for hours losing our precious work time (money) and cast our votes. Then we will go home, make dinner, spend some time with the kids and watch our favorite Cable News chaNnel. We will watch as the states are called one by one and cheer for our guy while we dismiss any good news for the other. And then by 11 or so, we will know our next leader and we will all shake hands and exclaim:" Wow, well fought man. I thought we had it, but it was a good clean race." Then we will go to bed and wonder how we might best serve the country and the direction it's going now. Right?
Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! By 11pm (whevere you are) , we will hear of the recapped news stories of voter fraud, intimidation and general discontent. We will see interviews with men and women of color , somewhere in Ohio, who say their vote will not be counted and they have lost faith. We will see the elderly in Florida throw up their arms, because they couldn't wait the 3 hours to vote and this would not have happened if they got their damned absentee ballots! And then to cap it all the off, the chairmen of both parties will face off in a shared interview laying out what the pending legal challenges are and where and when they will start.
Mark my words, America: This will not be pretty. There are International Election Observers here. Michael Moore will have 1,000 cameras throughout Ohio and Florida. There are at least 10,000 lawyers for each side spread throughout the swing states. And Colorado is voting on a law that is being challenged even before it is vote upon. The courts and the congress are gonna decide this one unless....
Unless it's a blowout. One way or the other. This Election will be contested. The only way a blowout will happen is if all these newly registered voters actually vote. If they do, we will see 125,ooo,ooo (<--- that's million) Voters! That will change polling forever. A blowout would be firmly winning the Electoral college by more than 15 and the popular vote by more than 5%. That is all it means this year
It will change this country forever. And here's how. If Bush wins, we will know that we are indeed a Christian Nation with Conservative values--or at least the majority is. We will know that the country approves of someone who is simply resolute. We will know that the country beleives women and minorities and people of various lifestyles are not welcomed, accepted and certainly not tolerated.
If Kerry wins a blowout, we will know that this country is far more liberal than we have been led to beleieve. We will know that the majority of Americans feel as if their government lied to them and it cannot be trusted. We will know that it takes aot of money to compete with these guys.
Either way, the real battle is for congress. Can we please have a balanced government that works for the people? Or does that simply spell stalemate. They hold their line, we hold ours and it never ends. I don't know what is going to happen. But I am really hoping for a blowout either way. This country needs clarity and identity. I may disagree with it, I may not, but at least I will know.